When I started writing my story in 2019, I thought I was doing it because I had reached the end of my spiritual odyssey. I believed I had found, in my version of shamanism, that point of balance between reason and mysticism I had long sought. So, I decided it was time to take stock and write down the testimony of my journey from materialism to spirituality.
Back then, settled in Canada and awaiting my son Benjamin, I continued to officiate shamanic ceremonies when the opportunity arose. I led a couple of talking circles with family and friends interested in such ceremonies. I performed tobacco cleansings for two people who sought my help with relationship conflicts.
I cherished every chance to wear my garments and necklaces, play the pincuyo or the harmonica, and flow in the performance of the officiating shaman. Unlike in Colombia, where it’s hard to avoid neglecting other matters for spiritual gatherings, such spaces were rare in Canada. Therefore, I occasionally attended talking circles organized by Abuelo Luis via video conference and coordinated some virtual mambias with friends from Colombia to ease my healer’s nostalgia.
The Seed of Change
I also maintained for some time folkloric customs from my Muisca past, like bathing with blue laundry soap, occasionally insufflating powdered tobacco, and uttering prayers in times of difficulty. However, gradually and without realizing it, I was irremediably heading towards a radical skepticism.
The catalyst for this transformation was a modest mobile app I installed on my phone that year: Libby, the official app of the Toronto Public Library system. This simple app was a gateway to the world of knowledge: not only could I reserve any digital book, but I also gained access to thousands of audiobooks. This was perfect for me, as I was never a fan of reading on paper.
The first audiobook I listened to was “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle, but it didn’t impact me like his first book. Instead, I found it repetitive and pretentious. I was no longer that aspiring initiate discovering a new world; everything I found in spirituality books seemed like a repetition.
But soon, I would again experience that feeling of intellectual trepidation, not from ancient wisdom, but from the incredible story of the human race.
From Mysticism to Science
The book that transformed my worldview was “Sapiens” by Israeli author Yuval Noah Harari. I also devoured its sequels: “Homo Deus” and “21 Lessons for the 21st Century.” Coincidentally, Harari mentions finding the inspiration for ‘Sapiens’ during a Vipassana meditation retreat. This connection with Vipassana resonated deeply with me, especially after my own retreat in May 2025, an experience that solidified my appreciation for conscious observation.
And I couldn’t stop: I continued with Michio Kaku’s futuristic books, Brian Greene and Neil deGrasse Tyson’s astrophysics, Malcolm Gladwell’s studies on the human mind, Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s treatises on chance, all the way to Richard Dawkins’s studies on evolutionary biology.
However, it was astrophysicist Sean Carroll’s book, “The Big Picture,” that offered me the key to harmonizing the vast factual knowledge I was acquiring with my spiritual wisdom. Carroll proposes a fusion of a scientific view with a poetic appreciation of reality, which he calls “poetic naturalism.” Upon learning this concept, I knew it was exactly what I was looking for.
The core of poetic naturalism lies in the idea that there is no division between matter and spirit; rather, there is a single natural world. The ‘poetic’ aspect is that there are multiple ways to describe this world, as long as they are consistent with observable reality.
The Echo of the Cosmos
Understanding poetic naturalism reminded me of my favorite lines from Carl Sagan’s “Cosmos.” It took me back to my childhood in Bogotá, thrilled to hear the start of a new episode. Phrases like “We are a way for the cosmos to know itself” or “We are made of star-stuff” were etched in my memory. I believe my spiritual quest was, from the beginning, an attempt to understand these magical phrases.
This might be why I felt I was facing a profound truth when the Muisca elders told me our origin was from the stars. I allowed myself to be seduced by fantasies of interstellar travel and pseudoscientific theories.
The Pandemic Effect and the Face of Magical Thinking
These initially harmless beliefs showed their danger during the Covid-19 pandemic. Fear drove millions to believe and spread conspiracy theories. It seemed implausible that any reasonable person could believe such absurdities, but then I reflected on my own past. I too had believed in ideas not so different, like the obsession with semen retention or the liberal use of power plants like tobacco, even around children, believing their harmful effects were a conspiracy.
However, I had changed. Years of science education had weakened the fragile foundations of my beliefs. I felt the world’s circumstances required a firm stance against lies and misinformation, for my role as a guide and protector of my family.
Facing Reality and Randomness
The pandemic revealed the true face of the magical thinking I had practiced. Faced with a choice between evidence-based knowledge and faith-based beliefs, I chose the path of skepticism. Still, I struggled to accept the tyranny of randomness, but any doubt vanished when I witnessed my uncle Álvaro’s ordeal with cancer. A good man who did not deserve such a fate.
It was not his beliefs, words, or silences that caused his illness. It was relentless chance. An elderly person’s immune system is more prone to fail, coupled with his exposure to carcinogens as a farmer and a precarious medical system. Despite the pain, seeing him smile in our farewell reminded me of an epiphany: “No matter how desperate the situation, there will always be a new dawn.”
A New Path: The Spiritual Skeptic
Upon finishing my memoirs, I still keep certain practices. My shamanic altar is now a window to a past I remember with gratitude. I do not regret my quest; finding out I was wrong was not a mistake, but a step closer to the truth.
Spirituality led me to wise teachers and teachings. I discovered the power of the talking circle and the magic of conscious observation. And thanks to “poetic naturalism,” I’ve been able to share my journey on my podcast, “Spirituality and Science,” seeking a meeting point between respect for truth and the magical worldview many of us love.
In this new stage, I’ve found spirituality in science and religion in skepticism, like in the ceremonial structure of “The Skeptics’ Guide to the Universe” podcast. Ceremony is inherent to being human; it drives us to believe in and create something larger than ourselves. I identify as a spiritual skeptic because it’s how I can reach for the heavens while keeping my feet firmly on the ground.
